Bff, i still need you. Don't go.

This scary, really scary. D, please please get well soon, you can't just leave just like this. I have never never expected that such a thing could happen to you. Please don't do this to me, don't make me feel motherfucking guilty. Guilty for not being able to be there. Guilty for always turning you away when you try to patch things up between us. I haven't told you how important you are to me, and even though sometimes i say things that i don't mean, i wanna be able to tell you that i don't mean them at all. Don't leave before i even have the chance to do so. Please please don't give up, please. What about me? What about all those around you that care for you really loads? Get up, i know you're strong. I feel fucking fucking useless. I can't even go and visit you thanks to those endless screenings by the police, fuck. I need you, i still need you even though you don't know this. It's people like you who make a rainy day sunny again. I miss those times we could just sit through the night, you listening to my problems, me listening to all your stories. Yes i know you did alot for me, and once again, i've never told you how much i appreciated your efforts. I'm sorry i didn't acknowledge the truth that you've changed for the better. Thanks for always trying your best whenever i'm need of help. I'm really upset now, very. You told me this, hongster never dies, D never dies, now what is this? I don't care, i'll do anything i can just to wake you up. You said this, you promise that you'll be there for me whenever i cry. Now i'm crying, where are you? I've got many many things to tell you, you've been away for too long, but now are you gonna be away forever too? 'Cos honestly, this is too much for me to take. You know how much i hoped and prayed that this was just a prank? When i received that call, my heart felt like it skipped many beats. I don't know how am i supposed to react to this, positively or negatively. All i know is, i do love you my dear bff. So all you've gotta do is to keep all the promises you've made to me. You can't just leave like this, you can't just give up now. I'll always be here waiting, always.