Dthj.

I still think of you every single day.

Handsome, i miss you.

Breaking apart.

Soon.

3M.

You're irratating.

DTHJBFF, RIP, IMYF.

Xiang Nan Zhe Ni.

Happy 2nd Month!

I want to be your favourite hello and your hardest goodbye.


Happy second month bb.
Its has only been two months, yet we've gone through quite alot yeah? Mostly rough patches but its the good ones that keeps us going. I don't ever care much about what others say, so why should you bother as well right? There were many times, you literally broke me apart. But i'm glad we always managed through. Seriously, you're not a very good boyf, but i know there are times when i see your effort. I hope you could be more patient with me though. I know you're you, and i'm never gonna change you unless it's gonna benefit you. Every 11:11, i wished the same wish over and over again. I don't ever want to be here without you baby. I hope it gets better as we go. Even if it gets harder, it won't take away my love, hope its the same for you. Ever heard of this? 'When you love someone so much, you apologise even when it's not your fault because it hurts you and you can't handle fighting with them.' Anyway, long story cut short, just wanna tell you a thanks and I LOVE YOU. <3

I'm fed up, you're one of a kind.

I want your attention now.
& the truth is, you suck hardcore as a boyf, but i love you hardcore.
I h8 you bcos i love u, *pouts. >>>>:

I miss you.

Didn't go to work today, but i'm still very tired. Saw many many faces when i went for work on wednesday, it was located at ang mo kio anyway. I manage to hit the target of 35, even exceeding the expected amount. My legs were breaking, my throat was hurting but it was worth it. Through out all, i was telling myself, i can't give up, because all these is for you. Yes you D, i didn't give up for you. So you can't give up too! I did it, it was just hard work. You can too, please please don't give up.

Remember the first time i saw you?
I had the worst impression of you then even though you looked better then.
Remember how we got to know each other?
You helped me repierce my lip and you were the worst piercer ever i swear.
Remember the first time i went down to look for J after like a year?
Your first sentence to me was : It's you uh.
Remember how the tawhway shop became our place?
We would always meet there, it became our unofficial meeting place.
Remember the first time i ran away from home?
You did so much for me.
Remember the time first time i absconded?
You were the one who was there through it all.
Remember all the times we would quarrel?
I just had a way to make you laugh and give in.
Remember the times we would just sit under your block through the night?
We could just talk about anything and everything.
Remember the times we could just talk on the phone for ages?
You were damn crappy, thinking that your handphone prepaid was forever.
Remember the day you were drunk and you cabbed down to my place?
You waited outside my house for a good 2 hours before i came out. By that time, you were wide awake already and realised that you should have just went home straight instead.
Remember we promised to go church every monday morning?
We obviously didn't keep to it.
Remember how you would always make me go down to just have breakfast with you?
It was always motherfreaking early in the morning.
Remember how i always wanted you to come fetch me from school after i went in gh?
You fetched me to school once, fetched me from school twice. ( I'm fucking touched for that.)
Remember the first movie we watched on July20th?
Ghost of girlfriends past. ( I think that's the title. )
Remember the best friend hug you would give me before i left?
I would give anything just for that now.
Remember how we cried on the phone after you got into that mess?
I was crying in the toilet, you made me cry many times during that period.
Remember how you flared up when you couldn't go for the michael jackson club event?
You got semi-drunk at oasis after that.
Remember how you took good care of me when you brought me to some pub @ geylang?
Who is gonna take care of me now?
Remember how we were suppose to work together and save up to clear debts?
You always woke up late for interviews and there went our jobs.
Remember how we used to share our cash?
You spent money like water. If i didn't control you, you would've died.
Remember how you used to listen to my blog's playlist?
I want you to hear them right now, it's updated, do you know that?

I mother fucking miss you, there's so much we have not done yet. C'mon, you can't leave me right here without you. I need you, do you know that? This is something i've never told you before. You mean alot to me, i want you to be able to know this. Don't be gone even before i have a chance to tell you how much you mean to me. I forgot what was the blog's url that you've created for me, i want you to wake up and tell me right now. Do you know that i got someone to wrote out what you posted for me last time? Cos i was in gh and was not able to use the computer. I even had it saved in gh's computer. Nothing else matters now, seriously. I just want you back in my life, i can't afford to lose you. I'll whatever it takes, to turn this around. Don't give up!

What about me?

Best picture effect.

Forever my favourite picture, always.

You can't do this to me, you can't do this to us. There's so many people who care so damn much for you and you do know that. You can't just leave like this, you're disappointing so many. If you do, who is gonna be there for me whenever i just need some help? Who is gonna be there for me to kpkb with whenever i'm feeling moody? This can't be happening, i would not allow it. Others say it's fate, i say it's based on your willpower. You can't be that weak, where's the stubborn character i've always known? The one who never says never. Even she is genuinely concerned about you, how can you not wake up? Fuck, really. I mother fucking miss you.

Bff, i still need you. Don't go.

This scary, really scary. D, please please get well soon, you can't just leave just like this. I have never never expected that such a thing could happen to you. Please don't do this to me, don't make me feel motherfucking guilty. Guilty for not being able to be there. Guilty for always turning you away when you try to patch things up between us. I haven't told you how important you are to me, and even though sometimes i say things that i don't mean, i wanna be able to tell you that i don't mean them at all. Don't leave before i even have the chance to do so. Please please don't give up, please. What about me? What about all those around you that care for you really loads? Get up, i know you're strong. I feel fucking fucking useless. I can't even go and visit you thanks to those endless screenings by the police, fuck. I need you, i still need you even though you don't know this. It's people like you who make a rainy day sunny again. I miss those times we could just sit through the night, you listening to my problems, me listening to all your stories. Yes i know you did alot for me, and once again, i've never told you how much i appreciated your efforts. I'm sorry i didn't acknowledge the truth that you've changed for the better. Thanks for always trying your best whenever i'm need of help. I'm really upset now, very. You told me this, hongster never dies, D never dies, now what is this? I don't care, i'll do anything i can just to wake you up. You said this, you promise that you'll be there for me whenever i cry. Now i'm crying, where are you? I've got many many things to tell you, you've been away for too long, but now are you gonna be away forever too? 'Cos honestly, this is too much for me to take. You know how much i hoped and prayed that this was just a prank? When i received that call, my heart felt like it skipped many beats. I don't know how am i supposed to react to this, positively or negatively. All i know is, i do love you my dear bff. So all you've gotta do is to keep all the promises you've made to me. You can't just leave like this, you can't just give up now. I'll always be here waiting, always.

Can Love Conquer All,

Coz physically and emotionally, it hurts badly. Do you know that?
Out of the million reasons to leave, I have found that one reason to stay, have you?
I love you.

FML.

& your piercing words sent daggers through my heart, did you know that?

[i] shou[l]d be [o][v][e]r [y][o][u].

Why can't you just change yourself a lil? Is it really that hard? Do you know how much your words can actually harm? No you don't. Whatever you do, you do it in the name of fun but have you ever realised what may be funny to you may not be as funny to others? Yea sure, i can learn to look aside and not take things so seriously but would it be torturous for you to cut down on your jokes a lil? Whatever you say never goes through your brain before coming out from your mouth, i hate it, hate it, hate it. You say i've gotta learn to take it, i say you have gotta learn to minimise it. Spare a thought for my feelings a lil please. I'm already trying my best, why can't you freaking see that? Whatever i do, it's always not of satisfactory standard to you. Gosh, think about what you're doing, am i even complaining? I don't need you to be appreciative, but why must you keep pulling me down when i'm already feeling in the dumps? All i'm trying to say is that, i'm already trying my utmost best, please please, lemme go for a lil. & for you, i don't think i can even see your effort.

Coz you're amazing, just the way you are.

It's 5.26am in the morning and i'm still not asleep. ): Oh well, slept at 12pm yesterday's afternoon, woke up at 11.30pm earlier on. I guess that explains why i'm still wide awake now. But i've gotta head off for work at 3pm, i wonder if i can make, hmmm. Now to the reason why i'm posting. I'm supposed to wake BB up when the movie is downloaded and when i'm done blogging, hahaha.

BB, sorry for my attitude yesterday morning. I know it's my fault yesyesyes. I shouldn't have given you attitude no matter how fucked up i was. Buttttt BB, hope you understand that it really wasn't on purpose, i was just too tired and my mood is always like this whenever i'm lacking of sleep. And yes, i've got to admit that you've been really faithful and there really shouldn't be any reason why i should doubt you. Yes, even if you're gonna cheat on me one day, i know jealousy and suspicion is not going prevent it anyway. It will just create misery between us. In the meanwhile, we will be remain a happy couple. :D Okay, now for another problem that has been going on between us. That would be being truthful. Yes, you don't really have a problem with this, i do. I know i haven't been exactly truthful to you these few days. Don't get me wrong, truthful not faithful. I know that even when i make mistakes, i don't admit it. And i know that even when i've doubts, i don't talk about them openly. Instead, i would keep everything to myself and then rack up such a fuss after that. But there's a reason why i'm not being entirely truthful, it's because i'm scared that you would not approve of the things that i do. But i've learnt that we should share everything that goes on in our life, if not why should we be together right right? Yes, i get your point my dear. I know sometimes we don't agree on the same point of view but BB, i don't need your agreement, i just need you to understand why i feel this way or why do i have such a view towards things. We could then work things out. :) I know we both have our own interests and friends. I just hope that we will have that mutual respect towards each other's interests alright? I hope that no matter what comes along the way, all the mistakes i make along the way, you would forgive them. But yes BB i will learn from my mistakes and not repeat them again alright! Lastly, I'm grateful for having you in my life, grateful for being to hug every single time i go to bed, grateful for being able to love you. I love you!

BB.

So Big-"So the whole world knows that my love for you is so BIG."
Insomnia-"Because i can't sleep till you're next to me."
Just the way you are-"Cos you're amazing just the way you are."

STEP ONE:

Spell your name with songs.

R - Replay

E - Electropop

B - Baby

E - Eenie Meenie

C - California Girls

C - Can't Be Tamed

A - Airplanes

STEP TWO:

Name: Rebecca

Birth date: 19 May 1994

Nickname: Beckah

Eye Color: Black

Hair Color: Brown

Zodiac Sign: Taurus



STEP THREE:

– Your weaknesses: Plenty.

– Your fear(s): Losing my loved ones.

– Your perfect pizza: Hawaiian Pizza.

– Goal you’d like to achieve: Improve myself without having to sacrifice anything, haha.



STEP FOUR:

– Your best physical feature: None.

– Your bedtime? No specific timing?!?!

– Most missed memory? When i was a free girl.



STEP FIVE:

This Or That…

– Pepsi or Coke? Coke.

– McDonald’s or Burger King: Macdonald's.

– Adidas or Nike: Adidas.

– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice Tea.
– Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla.
– Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino.
STEP SIX:Do You…
– Smoke: yes.
– Curse: yes.
– Sing: no.
– Dance: no.
– Take a shower everyday: yes.
– Have a crush: yes.
– Do you think you’ve been in love? yes,
– Want to go to college: yes, but it's just dreaming.
– Like(d) high school: no.
– Want to get married: yes.
– Get motion sickness: yes.
.– Think you’re attractive: no.
– Think you’re a health freak: no.
– Get along with your parents: NEVER.

STEP SEVEN:
In the past month have you…
– Gone to the mall: yes,
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no,
– Eaten Sushi: yes,
– Been on stage: yes,
– Gone skating: no,
– Made homemade cookies: no,
– Gone Skinny dipping: no,
– Stolen anything: yes, eclispe, haha!

STEP EIGHT:
Ever…
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: never.
– If so, was it mixed company:
– Flashed anyone: never.
– Been beaten up : yes.
– Shoplifted: yes.

STEP NINE:
– Age you hope to be married: 24/25
– Numbers of Children: 2
– Describe your Dream Wedding: I would like something unique.
– What country would you most like to visit? Rome.

STEP TEN:
In the opposite sex..
– Best eye color? Brown.
– Best hair color?: Brown/Black.
– Short hair or long hair?: Not too short but not definately not long.
– Height:

STEP ELEVEN:
– Number of people I could trust with my life: 3.
– Number of CDs that I own: I don't know.
– Number of tattoos: 1
– Number of piercings: 15.

Personal Quiz
Who were you with yesterday? BB.
What woke you up this morning? My tummyache. ):
Where are you? Lan.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day? I hope so.
What's so nice about school reopening?
Do you like anybody? I don't like anyone, i love that person.

THE PAST
Ever thrown up in public? Is school considered?
Passed out because of alcohol? Nope.
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW? BB.
THE FUTURE
What kind of home would you like? Condo.
What do you want to be when you grow up? My dreams are shattered.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? FREE GIRL.
IN GENERAL
Do you like candy necklaces? No.
When was the last time you fell over or ran into something? Can't remember.
Do you listen to music every day? Yes.
Do you still go trick or treating? Never done that before.
What was the last thing you ate? KFC.
Are you a fast typer? Kinda.
Whats your favorite type of soda? Mountain Dew.
Have you ever moved? Yes.
Have you ever won an award? Ages ago.
Are you listening to music right now? Yes.
How long ’till your birthday? One and a half years plusplus?
When were you the saddest in your whole life? LAST YEAR 31OCTOBER.
What time is it? 6.16AM
Do you use ebay to buy or sell? Nope.
Who makes you mad? MANY.
Have you ever heard a song written about you? Nope.
Something you want to happen in 2010? Be able to celebrate Christmas outside.
Summer 2010? Over.
Honestly, do you miss 2009? YESSSSSSSSSSSS.
HONESTY SECTION
1. Honestly, what color is your shirt? Black.
2. Honestly, whats on your mind? How fun is dota-.-
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now? Blogging.
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today? Yes, i made BB wait for hours for kfc.
8. Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? SJT.
9. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yesssssss.
10. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? Not being able to do what i wanna do.
11. Honestly, do you bite your nails? Yes.
12. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? No, only when i'm depressed.
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? YESSS.
14. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now? VERY BIG.
15. Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like? Yes.
16. Honestly, are you in denial? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
17. Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night and eat? Yeah.
18. Honestly, do you like anyone? YES.
19. Honestly, does anyone like you? YES.
ANGER SECTION
1. What do you do when you’re mad? Scream, Cry, & Scream even more.
2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Pour black sauce on the kitchen floor, throw jellybeans all over the house, spill the whole boil of noodles on the floor.
3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes.
4. Do you swear when you’re mad? ALWAYS.
CRYING SECTION
1. When was the last time you actually cried? Hours ago.
2. Ever cried yourself to sleep? Yes.
3. Do certain songs make you cry? Yes.
4. What usually makes you cry? Thinking about my past.
HAPPY SECTION
1. Are you usually a happy person? No.
2. What makes you the happiest? Hugging you to sleep every night.
3. Do you believe in yourself? I guess so.
4. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy? Of course.

Apologies.

I don't know if i'm ever posting here again, or how long it would take for you to read this portion. Yeah, i can practically feel your burning anger or perhaps your disappointment in me. But there's plenty that you don't know, really. Gosh, i've got like nothing more to say.

Touch.

Serangoon garden last week. BF,F?
& these pictures were taken long ago , when i went haiji lane with tzehui .

Girl , i never expected you to be like this .
Have not been able to make full use of my homeleave this week. Been visiting grandma at the hospital. She had a bad fall, but she's strong! 97yearsold and still counting. Love her determination! Heading down to many places tomorrow, heh. I wonder if i'm able to wake up in time, hmm. Alright, i'm super lazy to post. Can't find any interesting things to post about anyway. Monday to Friday: School then back to gh. Weekends: Homeleave then back to gh again. It's going to be my grading this month! Hope everything goes well, i really need those points. ): Been through two gradings already and it's still 133. Terrible! Oh well, this third grading also marks my 9th month in gracehaven. How times fly. Wished it could be october 2011 now & I'M FREE!
Haha, that's all. ^^

No Other One ,

Long ago .

Okeh , back after two weeks . Didn't manage to go home for two weeks , know why ? CUZ MY PARENTS WENT JAPAN . 4 days of home leave just gone like that , cocksters . Went haiji lane with jocelyn yesterday , hohoho . Managed to get a dress , oh well . Then chompchomp for dinner with sheena , soowee and co . Cockles , HAHAHA .

Vegetarian buffet today , not bad . Never knew a chicken that's made of flour could taste so good .

Heading back soon , bye bye world . >:

If it's love ,

All i ever wanted ,

all i ever wanted ,

was a simple way to get over you .

3 days MC , 5 days home leave .

But for the first time , i've gotta say , home leave sucks .

Won't go quietly ,

You'll never hear me mention/blog about twenty may anymore . _l_

FML .

Dad's in school now with Auntie Julia to have a talk with the principle regarding my failures for the MYE . FML ! ):

Falling down ,

Home leave was sucky this week . ): Only got to go out @ 4 , had to scrub the blerdy drain . Met huimin and tzehui at hougang , slackedslacked&slacked even more . Met that blob of butter , hahahaha . So sad , didn't get to meet that measure of yoghurt . ): LOL . I don't feel like blogging right now , in a bad bad mood . Rtjh , ): ): ): ): . Sigh .

Twentymay , ):

19May.

Hmmm , seems like iPhone can't upload pictures to blogger . Anyway , I just wanna say a big thank you to all those who wished me happy birthday ! :) Brenda bought me a hello kitty cake , so sweet of her . Thanks loads darling ! You've just fulfilled my childhood wish , hah . Tomorrow's gonna be twenty may . I wonder if you still do remember . I'm praying hard that you do , but I'm not wishing for anything else . Thanks for today . And there's one thing I've got to tell you , islamy .

Rtjh ,

Patricia's spastic face.
Uh , as you can conclude from the above title , this blog post shall be for you . You might never believe what i'm about to say .

Well , it goes like this ...
My dear brother , i'm super duper sorry . But remember what you said ? That you will respect my decision if i ever decide to go back to being brother and sister ? Then you must be thinking , i've been lying to you all these while . Everything i said was a lie . BUT ITS NOT . I honestly meant every word i said . Its just so that i do not wish to drag things on this way , knowing that nothing good will come out of it . Like you said , it will be taking you a real long time to place your trust into another relationship . I understand why you feel this way , so i thought this would be the best for us . I don't wish to lose a one year plus friendship just because of a failed one week plus relationship . Its not worth it & like how i've mentioned a million times , i can't afford to lose you . I told myself from the start , i'll never put in any feelings into us . But seems like i did . Or maybe we did . Still , i love you plenty . Its the same as what you said , be it sister or girlfriend , I'll still be loving you . Lastly , it doesn't matter how long or much longer the love will continue , but how deep it has been while it lasted .
I love you ♥

Now , i should be thinking it over .

My school girl image , forever that angelic look. <:

Its twenty more days to Twenty May .

Would you still remember this day ?

Can we see beyond the scars ?

This is a picture of how my computer screen looks like . I know its random , but its for a purpose . Its even in your favourite colour .

Okeh , now my post officially begins .

Wait , i'm lazy , so this is how it ends , bye bye .

.

.

.

.

:D

Leaving is a living pain .

Bugis yesterday with Lovely and Trisha ! Was supposed to go fishing @ east coast park but due to the weather and the homeleave timing , we couldn't make it . ): Its alright , i'm sure there we'll be able to go fishing one day soon kay ! :D I shall let the pictures do the talking , ain't really in a great mood these few days .

Losing you is like losing someone that has played an important role in my life for the past 2 years , practically , you were everything . But it's okay , i've been in this situation too many times to let it fully affect my life . Things that don't kill you , can only make you stronger , literally . vwjw , utc2 .